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The Holy Broken Heart

by Sari Brown

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1.
What's Your Name? 04:01
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You are scared, but you’re not fear You want to run away, but you are here You are trapped, but you’re not a slave You are hurt, but you’re not pain You’re beaten down, but you’re not defeat You have so little faith, but you want to believe You’re mixed up, but you’re not impure The you you were made to grow into still remains So what’s your name? (What's your name?) What’s your name? (What's your name?) What’s your name, what’s your name? Is it beauty, mystery, teacher or comfort? Builder, sustainer, sweetness or wonder? Lover or rebel or dancer in the rain? What’s your name? (What's your name?) What’s your name? (What's your name?) What’s your name, what’s your name? What’s your name? (What's your name?) What’s your name? (What's your name?) What’s your name, what’s your name? What’s your name? (What's your name?) What’s your name? (What's your name?) What’s your name, what’s your name? You are scared, but you’re not fear You want to run away, but you are here You are trapped, but you’re not a slave You are hurt, but you’re not pain You’re beaten down, but you’re not defeat (not defeat) You have so little faith, but you want to believe (to believe) You’re mixed up, but you’re not impure (not impure) The you you were made to grow into still remains So what’s your name?
2.
Prodigal Bird 04:08
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I am just yellow I am just a bird I can’t say hello But I can fly westward Do your flying do your crying Do your singing do your winging Do your best and build your nest and do it all without me Because you are free Hatch some eggs and have some sex And find your flock and find your breakfast Find your home that’s where the heart is Do it all because you want to be Doing anything I am just yellow I am just a Brown I can’t say hello I just sing prodigal sounds Do your flying do your crying Do your singing do your winging Do your best and build your nest and do it all without me Because you are free Hatch some eggs and have some sex And find your flock and find your breakfast Find your home that’s where the heart is Do it all because you want to be Doing anything I am just yellow I am just a bird I can’t say hello But I can fly homeward
3.
TMJ 04:43
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I want my sleep to loosen me up Like when I was a kid I want my jaw to smile with my mouth Like I never knocked those teeth out I want just one friend To take me on a canoe Will you be the one that did? I want my name to dangle on a chain Like I never changed it I want never to worry, like I never left home And I want to cry like when I was 4 years old And Daddy played the song he wrote for me A little tune, pretty, on the piano And I lay under the table thinking Of all the things that lay before me It was not a sad song by any means I think I cried just because crying was so easy I want my sleep to loosen me up Like when I was a kid I want my jaw to smile with my mouth Like I never knocked those teeth out The magic of the jaw is that even though I knocked those teeth out The magic of the jaw is that even though I knocked those teeth out I can still sing loud
4.
The Worst of These 06:20
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I’m writing a song for nobody to hear I will fly all night, just trying to catch up with you Now I know how it feels to be the worst of these I want to be like you because you’re free I want to be like the man who sells bread on the street He gives it away just to show he cares about me Be careful and awake, for the time is coming soon When we’ll all trade places on this carousel Escribí una canción para nadie oír Volaré toda la noche, tratando de alcanzarte Ahora sé como siente, ser la peor de todos Quiero ser como tú que eres libre Quiero ser el señor que vende pan por aquí Que me lo regala sólo para verme feliz Esté atento y despierto, que la hora viene pronto Cuando todos cambiaremos de puesto en este juego En la tierra de gozo bullicioso Me callo en tu sombra Quería hacer algo hermoso Mas sólo tengo estas lagrimas Ahora sé cómo siente, ser la peor de todos Quiero ser como tú que eres libre Quiero ser la mujer con los secretos de cocina Que nos dio tesoro que nunca termina Esté atento y despierto, que la hora viene pronto Cuando todos seremos uno en el nombre del misterio In the land of the loudest joy I’m quiet in your shadow I want to make something beautiful here Now all I have to offer are my tears Now I know how it feels to be the worst of these I want to be like you because you’re free I want to be like the woman with the secret recipe Because she gave us treasure to make our life more sweet Be careful and awake, for the time is coming soon When we’ll all be made one in the name above all names
5.
Promised Land 03:38
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We built our house in the barn from a few bales of hay A band of orphans in the woods till the dinner bell rang Then those floorboards gave out and we reached the place Where the creek had washed the only bridge away You can never go home again It slipped away slowly but it’s gone, my friend You set sail at the tip where the promised land ends But you can never, never, never go home again I found a peaceful place between two lonesome trees I learned the view from the oak and the way the water bug sees Then I saw the machines haul away all the green And they tapped and told me it was time to leave You can never go home again It slipped away slowly but it’s gone, my friend You set sail at the tip where the promised land ends But you can never, never, never go home again In the land of lakes a peninsula brims With life too thick for any of it to be sin And bringing redemption to that wild garden Is like bringing sweet water to Michigan You can never go home again It slipped away slowly but it’s gone, my friend You set sail at the tip where the promised land ends But you can never, never, never go home again You can never, never, never go home again
6.
What Are People For? 03:34
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The last time I went home They built a town on top of the woods where I’d roamed A factory and a company store And little square apartments with Ikea furniture And everything was so clean and so nice I snuck inside and walked the gray rubber floors I swear I didn’t want to bomb the place I just expected from life something more You can sell off all of your trees You can hunch over working till your dreamless sleep But when it come time for your reckoning day You gonna say, I don’t know for what I was made I left the landscape of my heart To contribute to society and make Excel charts Now I’m back and I’m looking for my dog I’m looking for the path we would take to the sacred log And everything’s so strange and contained And no one wants to talk about the thrill of summer rain I swear I will walk that same road Even if I have to break down doors You can sell off all of your trees You can hunch over working till your dreamless sleep But when it come time for your reckoning day You gonna say, I don’t know for what I was made What are people for? Do you really have to do it to survive? What are people for? You gotta live your life before you die What are people for? Do you really have to do it to survive? What are people for? You gotta live your life before you die You can sell off all of your trees You can hunch over working till your dreamless sleep But when it come time for your reckoning day You gonna say, I don’t know for what I was made What are people for? Do you really have to do it to survive? What are people for? You gotta live your life before you die What are people for? Do you really have to do it to survive? What are people for? You gotta live your life before you die Because you gonna die So you better live you better live your life
7.
Ordinary Visionary 04:11
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I am not a great visionary But I see some things in the ordinary Things that will not bring me fame nor victory But a strange hope sprouts in the dirt of misery The smell of bread in the evening air Lifts hearts everywhere In the narrow alleyways of my neighborhood I heard someone singing in the name of love After the streets ran with blood A sweet-voiced tenor offers a shameless song He says, I am not a great visionary But I see some things in the ordinary Things that will not bring me fame nor victory But a strange hope sprouts in the dirt of misery The pigeon who coos in the shuffle of boots Is crying for peace I’ve stepped on stones where other feet have been Violent feet and wounded feet Feet that are hungry, feet that have everything Rebellious dancing feet that long to be free They say, we are not great visionaries But we see some things in the ordinary Things that will not bring us fame nor victory But a strange hope sprouts in the dirt of misery The lines we traced in a hidden place Were the map of a new country I need some holy magic, I need a balm from Gilead To begin again to speak the world into being Because words are water, and water carves rock Water ruins legal paper And water rusts the scissors of war It’s my only holy weapon So God let it rain, God let it rain, God let it rain on me One hammer rings down in the valley Another rings up here on my street Someone is calling, someone is answering Someone’s repairing the home they love still They say, we are not great visionaries But we see some things in the ordinary Things that will not bring us fame nor victory But a strange hope sprouts in the dirt of misery Dancing wild by the side of a creek Sometimes human beings We can make beautiful things
8.
Love Shakes 03:04
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They say you got to sing every day So that God will remember What your voice sounds like They say you got to play every day So your fingers will remember What the dents feel like When you fold your hands to pray And I got a big pain in me (big pain in me) And I don’t think it’s gonna go away Love shakes me down to the roots of my teeth And I wouldn’t have it any other way (any other way) If I could do it all again I wouldn’t change a damn thing They say you got to hurt a long time (long time) Before you can feel another’s pain (another’s pain) And sometimes I want to throw off my load (my load) And say, “Oh, please take this cup from me.” And sometimes I just sit and tremble Knowing the plan I cannot see Because what I get for the trial Is this tenderness inside of me And I got a big pain in me (big pain in me) And I don’t think it’s gonna go away Love shakes me down to the roots of my teeth And I wouldn’t have it any other way (any other way) If I could do it all again I wouldn’t change a damn thing
9.
Hard Things 03:58
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Are we starting a new chapter? Are we starting a fight? I can’t really tell the difference tonight But I’m grateful you don’t want to leave And you turn your ear and you’re listening To the hard things, the hard things You can be you can be so sweet Your body can be so soft Your hands can be strong and tender Like a baby’s fist in a ball But your voice can say some hard, hard things Am I starting a new chapter? Am I starting a fight? I can’t tell the difference between wrong and right But I’m grateful I don’t want to leave And I touch my heart and I’m listening To the hard things, the hard things You can be you can be so sweet Your body can be so soft Your hands can be strong and tender Like a baby’s fist in a ball But your voice can say some hard, hard things Are we starting a new chapter? Are we starting a fight? Ain’t no use saying what’s wrong and right But I’m grateful we don’t want to leave And we touch our hearts and we’re listening To the hard things, the hard things You can be you can be so sweet Your body can be so soft Your hands can be strong and tender Like a baby’s fist in a ball But your voice can say some hard, hard things
10.
Condemned to Hope 01:38
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I’m so tired of love And beauty and duty and all those good things I’m too tired Not to walk out that door into whatever life brings I realize that’s a form of faith I guess I’m condemned to believe But I don’t want to talk about it now Here’s where this song must leave Condemned to hope With you babe Condemned to hope Condemned to hope With you babe I have been condemned
11.
I Listen to That 05:03
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I dream about escaping from the factory I listen to that I wake up in the morning and my lungs breathe I listen to that My bladder is so angry and my head aches I listen to that My body likes a dancing on the off-beats (off-beats) I listen to that I listen to that, I listen to that I try controlling when the fruit will get ripe I listen to that It’s always sweet and juicy at the right time (right time) I listen to that The water falling makes me want create I listen to that The river rushes round me when my water breaks (water breaks) I listen to that I listen to that, I listen to that You don’t like me like I am (like she is) I listen to that You ain’t buying what I’m selling I listen to that You can’t build nothing with me (nothing with her) I listen to that I got potential but I’m dirty I listen to that I listen to every word you’re saying And I got my own words to do Word becomes flesh Word becomes flesh Word becomes flesh Word becomes flesh, oh I listen to that, I listen to that You adore me when I’m strange (when she’s strange) I listen to that I’m the student of your dreams I listen to that I give you a new faith (a new faith) You close your eyes and say my name I listen to that I listen to every word you’re saying And I got my own words to do Word becomes flesh Word becomes flesh Word becomes flesh Word becomes flesh, oh I listen to that, I listen to that I listen to that
12.
Brand New Town 04:12
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I once met a saint who sold empanadas On the corner of 72 and Caracas In the shadow of the outstretched arms of St. Francis He made people feel like they matter Sometimes I don’t know if I matter to anyone That’s when I run to where he’ll sing me this song When all your dreams are a city in shambles And your are tricks all worn out Lay your burdens down, walk out in a field Say, “I’m a brand new town” I’ve tried my whole life to prove my great wisdom And to win all the world’s affections Now all I’ve got to show is a fight I lost with my baby And some stone soup to make us in the evening Sometimes I don’t know what I was born in this world for That’s when I run to the one who knows me more When all your dreams are a city in shambles And your are tricks all worn out Lay your burdens down, walk out in a field Say, “I’m a brand new town” It was only when I came to this temple of the spirit Filled up with hungry bodies They gave me bread and wine and said, “No need to repay us This life is a gift we could never possess” And now I know that everything I have is worth nothing I’ll sell it all to buy the field where you found me Now all my dreams are a city in shambles And my tricks are all worn out It’s time to lay it all down, walk out in a field Say, “I’m a brand new town” So lay your burdens down, walk out in a field Say, “I’m a brand new town” It’s time to lay it all down, walk out in a field Because you are a brand new town
13.
(k)No(w) Love 02:48
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There’s no love song for this There’s nothing I can sing So uncertain, such strange timing Such a secret My bliss There’s no way to describe I know not what it means So unguarded, so strangely free The look that was in Your eyes There’s nothing that I need I am growing joy inside How unexpected that with you I find The wish to give And to receive There’s no love song for this But for you I wish to sing Beyond control, beyond timing I spin round for The kiss
14.
The Stars 05:07
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The day after the fall Of another big wounded man A little quiet reckoning Took place in my own two hands The day after the prophet Spoke blinding clarity I dreamt your face was nothingness A void that drew me in And there in the darkness I had to begin again I was thinking about the stars In the field and the rain I was thinking about your heart A mysterious place I was thinking about my love Did it go to waste? I was thinking about the power Of the worlds I make The day after the wall Went up between our lands I crept over to the ugly side And saw beauty without end The day after the vision Of a river to take me home The child saw flags blowing in the wind And said, “Look how the water flows!” And there in the darkness I began to dance again I was thinking about the stars In the field and the rain I was thinking in the dark What a glorious place I was thinking about the death I have come to face I was thinking about what’s left To regenerate You gave me a cup of bliss As wide as the sea But only once you’d vanished I was ready to drink It’s a funny bitter irony That loneliness tastes sweet Now I am thinking I am thinking about the stars In the field and the rain The holy broken heart With its beautiful veins I am thinking how it’s strong Enough to lift this weight I am thinking how it knows What it needs to make It knows on its own It glows like the stars
15.
The River 04:32
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Sometimes I go to sleep And wake up with a new color on me Sometimes when I’m awake I jump in a creek and swim right into my dreams All the times you called without my knowing It took me time to learn to pronounce your name, your name! But at the end of the river You catch me and you quiver And you say never ever will I let you feel alone like that again I been waiting for you to come home In secret passageways and cubbyholes But deeper into the green You must go with the women who know how to love me All the times you called without my knowing It took me time to learn to pronounce your name, your name! But at the end of the river You catch me and you quiver And you say never ever will I let you feel alone like that again Then one day I woke up In the upper room which the sun fills up I was wrapped up in orange gowns Then I knew enough to know This love has no bounds All the times you called without my knowing It took me time to learn to pronounce your name, your name! But at the end of the river You catch me and you quiver And you say never ever will I let you feel alone like that again

about

An emotive, meditative Motown-indie-folk epic that unfolds a journey to broken wholeness in three chapters. The songs of The Holy Broken Heart are designed to create space for exploring and embracing the paradoxes of healing.

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released November 11, 2022

All songs by Sari Brown
Produced by Andrew Brooks
Recorded by Ian Gorman at La Luna Recording and Sound in Kalamazoo, Michigan
Mixed by Andrew Brooks
Mastered by Philip Shaw Bova

Featuring:
Sari Brown – vocals, acoustic guitar, ukulele on “Ordinary Visionary”
Mattijane Epperson – electric and double bass
Mike Savina – electric guitar, acoustic guitar on “The Stars” and “Ordinary Visionary,” ukulele on “Hard Things”
Michael Shimmin – drums and percussion
Alice Sun – piano and keyboards

Backing Vocals:
Jordan Hamilton
Nathan Moore
Caleb Williams

Strings:
Jordan Hamilton – Cello
Josh Holcomb – Viola
Cori Beth Somers – Violin

Horns:
Craig Freeman – Trombone
Matt Matuszek – Trumpet
Sam Que – Alto Saxophone

Special Guests:
Andrew Brooks – Additional backing vocals on “The River”
Douglas Brown – Piano on “TMJ” and “Brand New Town”
Samantha Cooper – Backing vocals on “Promised Land” and “The Stars”
Rolando Vargas – Sika woodwinds on “The Worst of These” (recorded at Natural Audio in La Paz, Bolivia)

Artwork by Hannah Lynne
Design by Brad Kik
Photography by John Mark Hanson

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Sari Brown Williamston, Michigan

Sari Brown is a priestess of song who curates dreams, cultivates beauty and facilitates rituals in the fertile gaps between cultures. She is in equals parts a child of Motown music, mystical chants and Andean folkloric dance. Using textured soundscapes and vulnerable storytelling, her songs create holding spaces for healing, self-awareness and practices of abundant life. ... more

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